The Final Countdown

One week to go, y'all. Which is good, because my ability to perambulate is decreasing by the hour. Think of a lame penguin crossed with an ungainly whale/african elephant mix and you'll get some idea. I caught sight of a reflection of myself walking from my doctor's appointment this morning and just about died of laughter. Things that would make this last week a lot more bearable:

1. A Lark.
2. A catheter/pee bag combo. SO SICK OF PEEING.
3. Some kind of weightless sleeping system. A flotation tank, maybe? One of those really expensive Tempur-pedic beds?
4. An elevator, or alternatively a one-story home.
5. Some kind of evolutionary development that eliminates all acid from my stomach. Temporarily.
6. A personal assistant/court jester/masseur/housekeeper combo to cater to my every need.

So, you know. Those should all be manageable, right? Someone get on that.