The Final Countdown: T minus 2 days

1. The headcold rages unabated. In retrospect, purchasing stock in Kleenex about three months ago would have been a good move.

2. To be honest, if anyone said the phrase "the power of positive thinking" to me right now I would probably kick them in the nards, but there *are* some things making me happy right now, namely:
a) my new spring purse, courtesy Questionable. (The one on the left.) It is so springy and stripy. It defies the weather.
b) It's supposed to be almost SIXTY degrees on Monday! Sure, I'll be drugged up and in the hospital the whole day, but still!
c) Tonight, the Hatchling, after commanding her father to sit next to her on the sofa, sidled up to him, batted her eyelashes and said "Hey, baby."

3. I think I might be having the occasional contraction, mostly in the evenings the last three days. I say "I think" because I don't actually know what normal contractions or Braxton Hicks feel like. When the Hatchling was born, I had nothing in the way of contractions until I was induced, and lemme tell ya, Pitocin-contractions are undeniable. You KNOW you are having one of those. And then you KNOW you are getting an epidural. But this - it just feels kind of like a tightening, sometimes verging on crampy, not lasting or regular, just sort of unsettling and a pain in the ass. Or thereabouts. Thoughts from readers who've done this the natural way before? I go in for a regular monitoring appointment tomorrow so I'm sure they'll pick up on it if anything is going on.

Two Things

Item one - Conversation between me and the Hatchling this afternoon, as she's running around with her superhero "cape" on (a big silk scarf she ties around her neck):

Hatchling: I superhewwo!

Me: You are a superhero.

Hatchling: Fwy weawwy fast.

Me: You sure are flying fast. Go, go, go!

Hatchling (stopping and looking right at me): I BATMAN.

Me: You're Batman?!

Hatchling: Yeah, dat's wight. I BATMAN!!!!

Her father is so proud.

Item Two - I've been scanning in some old family photos just so I have them digitally, and I came across this one of me and my parents circa 1972. I'm not normally at a loss for words, but ... wow. Kind of explains a lot, doesn't it?

Friday Video Blogging

TGIF, y'all. In honor of the weekend, here's a little Hatchling video of a game she and her BFF invented Wednesday at playgroup. It's SO TOTALLY HILARIOUS ... if you're almost three. But it's pretty funny even if you're older.


The Kissing Game from Squab on Vimeo.

Shake it

Mr. Squab's mom was in town briefly this week, and the Hatchling always likes to provide guests with the latest in toddler entertainment. Here's a little sample of the show she put on. Yeah, the lighting is crappy, but you CANNOT DENY THE MOVES.

Dancing Ellie, February 2009 from Elise Robinson on Vimeo.

The Natural

Today we had our regular Wednesday playgroup with a group of moms and kids that we enjoy hanging out with. This week, for whatever reason, the Hatchling was the only girl for the first half of the group - it was just her and four other little boys. At this age, the whole gender thing doesn't make much of a difference when they're playing (thank goodness) but today all the little boys seemed to have spring fever or something and there was a lot of bickering and fighting going on. When we went into the dining room for snack time, there was only enough room at the little kid's table for three; the three oldest boys took those seats, the baby sat with his mother, and the Hatchling chose to sit at the big table with the Mamas. It wasn't long before a major quarrel erupted at the kids' table (someone's plate was touching someone else's, if you can believe it) and the recriminations started to get a little deafening. The relevant moms wearily moved to intervene, but before any of them could reach the table, the Hatchling got down from her chair, went over to the boys and in a loud, authoritative voice said "HEY! Hey, guys! What's goin' on?" She put her hand on the back of one of the boys and started to babble something that we couldn't totally understand, but was clearly intended to mediate between the squabblers. (It sounded kind of like "ashabba boogaba dashalso FOOD baggabagaa YOU PLAY.") The boys sort of stopped, and the Hatchling calmly returned to her seat and resumed snacking. We parental units were having a fit of the giggles. She did it again when another fight broke out, and then sat back down at the table with a distinctly smug look on her face. I have never seen her do anything like that before, but I tell you what, she handled it like a pro. Her future sister is screwed.

Well, it *is* one of his favorite topics ...

Yesterday the Hatchling was playing "phone" with the TV remote up to one ear and the telephone up to the other ear. The conversation was ... interesting:

Hatchling: Oh, hi, Daddy! Yeah, yeah, ok-ok-ok. Vewwy good, vewwy good. Oh, I fine, I fiiiiiiiine, how YOU? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, Daddy. Oh? Oh, no. Ohhhhh, nooooo, pooooop. Dat's gwoss, Daddy. Oh, yucky poops. Vewwy yucky poops, Daddy.

Me: Are you talking to Daddy about your poop?!?

Hatchling: Dat's right, Mama! Vewwy good!

So, to sum up: potty training? No way, no how. Extended one-way imaginary conversations about excrement? Absolutely.

One of us needs a strong drink.

The Hatchling got up FIVE TIMES last night. And then I had to get up at 6am to go get my semi-weekly ultrasound and monitoring. Leaving me with about 2 hours of sleep, total.

Mama is TIRED.

Reticence is not her problem

Yesterday the Hatchling and I went to tour a possible preschool for her for fall (because, yes, you have to start at LEAST this far in advance if you want to get your choice, which is kind of giving me hives. Not to mention figuring out how we'll pay for it, which is also giving me hives.) It was a great place, very welcoming and kid-friendly, a really nice director, great activities, etc. - I hope we can swing it, because the Hatchling would just thrive on it and it might keep me from losing my mind. Anyhoo. We we touring with another mom and little girl and let me tell you, they were a study in contrasts. The other girl, Grace, was very nice and friendly, but she also was perfectly happy to stay close to her mommy for the duration of the tour, a concept which the Hatchling completely fails to grasp. From the Hatchling's perspective, this was clearly a place designed with her in mind, so why would she have any qualms about, you know, just joining in? She wouldn't! We visited one classroom where they were having story time, and I whispered to the Hatchling that she had to be very quiet in this room, because other kids were listening to the story. Riiiiiiiight. She marched right up to the back of the group, sat down on the mat next to the nearest kid, and in her usual enthusiastic voice, said, "Hi, kids! What's goin' on?" I went over to try and shush her, and the little kid sitting next to her asked the teacher "Why are there some kids in here who don't belong?"

I got her out of there without too much further disruption, and in the next room we visited, they were having open playtime, with lots of different stations for the kids to choose from. It was nicely chaotic and I imagine most normal children would have opted for Grace's strategy of watching the action safely by her mother's side. I, however, do not have a normal kid. The Hatchling zipped right into the middle of the room where a teacher was preparing some craft supplies, took the cup of glue and paintbrush out of the teacher's hands, and started making her own collage. She was perfectly polite about it, she just wasn't at all shy. The teacher looked up at me and said "she seems to be right at home!" and indeed, she did. It didn't make for the most, uh, relaxing tour of the facilities, and I think Grace was appalled, but I guess it was good to see that the Hatchling would fit right in. I'm glad that she's so outgoing - makes it easier to make friends - but I don't know whether to be hopeful or fearful of the inevitable time(s) her friendly overtures are rejected. I don't want her to steamroller over the other kids, but I know her little heart will be broken if someone doesn't want to make friends with her. Sigh.

Fa la la la la, la la la la

This is the first year the Hatchling is old enough to want to help with the Christmas decorations. We finally got the tree up this weekend, and she was very "helpful" with the ornaments (or as she likes to call them, the "wondaful decowations"). Sure, she wanted to hang all of them off the same small branch, but at least she did manage to actually hang some all by herself!

Decorating the Christmas Tree, 2008 from Squab on Vimeo.

Photo Dump

Just uploaded a whole lotta pix, and thought I'd share some of the best. Happy Monday.

Here's the red velvet cake. It's not bakery-shop pretty, but you'd eat it, right?


Here's what it looked like on the inside. I shall be blogging the recipe later.


I've been waiting a LOOOOOOONG time for the Hatchling to have enough hair for this:


Of course, she looks pretty cute with it down, too.


I feel like this should totally be the cover for a toddler alt-folk album or something.

June Cleaver and Donna Reed would be SHOCKED.

Tonight we were too tired to cook, so we went to a local diner for a quick meal as part of our comprehensive socialize-the-Hatchling-to-behave-in-public-spaces campaign. She did pretty well (for a 2.5 year old), but what was truly impressive was the dinner she ate, which was a nutritious combination of:

a) french fries
b) ketchup
c) apple juice
d) ginormous chocolate chip cookie

After which, she went home and was bouncing off the walls from her sugar + carb high. There was dancing, there was singing, there was a lot of random spastic movement. THAT, my friends = good damn parenting.

Question

Is it wrong that, at two-and-a-half years old, the Hatchling can unplug Mr. Squab's iPhone from the charger, turn it on, unlock it, open her favorite application and start to play?

Yeah. That's what I thought.

Limit Testing

Whew, the Hatchling has definitely been testing her limits the last couple of days. Everything is a fight. This morning, we needed to make a simple run to Target so I could pick up some prescriptions, and it took us approximately FOUR HOURS to get out of the house. Why? Because there were major tantrums about:

- going downstairs
- eating breakfast
- going back upstairs to get dressed
- getting dressed
- going back downstairs to get ready to go
- putting on shoes
- brushing and fixing hair
- putting on the jacket (oh, lord! putting on the jacket!)

Christ on a crutch. Of course, as soon as we were out of the house, she perked right up, which is exactly what I knew would happen. She was making friends in Target left and right, saying hi and bye to everyone she passed in the aisles and charming the pants off of the cashier, to whom she sang the alphabet song. I got a lot of smiles and "she's so cute" and I was all, sure, she's cute HERE, but do not be fooled by the niceties of Dr. Hatchling Jekyll! Mr. Hatchling Hyde is just around the corner!

Fortunately for her, she juxtaposes the tantrums with just enough total cuteness to avoid sending her Mama to the loony bin. Like how, right now, whenever she sees one of us after an extended absence, she runs over to give us a hug and says "I'm so glad to see you!" (Well, she actually says "I so gwappa seeyoo" but you get the gist.) Or how she kept saying "wonderful, wonderful baby" when we went to visit our friends who just had a little boy. Or how she yells, "there's Kramer! Crazy Kramer" when we're watching Seinfeld. (Which, OK, that's maybe not the most appropriate show for a two-year-old, but that's another post.)

So, anyway, what I'm saying is, I love her more than anything, but I'm also not totally bummed to be getting a little break from her this weekend. I leave tomorrow morning to go down south for a visit with my sister and her brand new baby boy. Might not be the most restful vacation I've ever had, but there will be no ornery toddlers bossing me around and throwing fits every ten minutes, and that will be a pleasant change of pace, I have to admit.

Wheeeee!

Well, I SPECTACULARLY failed my gestational diabetes test this morning. How spectacularly, you ask? Well, let me put it this way: there are normally two tests for GD. You take the first, shorter one, and if you fail that then you have to take the longer, four hour one so they can really make sure. But me? I did so amazingly poorly on the first test that they aren't even making me TAKE the second one. The lab tech was all, yeah, we're just going call this one now and start treating you because this is ridiculous. Yo: when the LAB TECH thinks it's ridiculous, that is some serious shit. You gotta give me credit. I do things with panache.

On the upside, Mr. Squab and the Hatchling have developed a new game, where she stands there and Mr. Squab gives her rotating commands of either "kick," "jump," "punch," or "spin." It's like Toddler Bop-it, and it is truly hilarious to watch.

Random Tidbits of a Hatchling

1. Today, we were out running errands, and as we neared the cashier the Hatchling spotted a Lindor raspberry truffle and indicated that she must have it. I thought that would be OK, but I told her we had to wait until we paid for it for her to eat it. This, of course, was met incredulity. She was supposed to WAIT for a whole TWO MINUTES to eat her candy? What was I, INSANE? Anyway, she was starting to kick up a real fuss when we got to the check-out counter so I asked the nice man to ring up the truffle first, which he kindly did, and then handed it to the Hatchling, saying, "Here you go, honey." Whereupon she immediately quieted down, and her eyes got huge, and she said, very dramatically, "Ohhhhh, BEAUTIFUL candy."

2. Lately, whenever the Hatchling trips or stumbles or falls or whatever, she'll ask in a very concerned voice, "Are you OK?!?!" then you have to say "I'm OK, are you OK?" and then she says "Yis."

3. One of the Hatchling's favorite words lately is "perfect," which she pronounces "poofitt." As in, "Oh, nummy cawwots! Poofitt!"

4. The other day, the Hatchling was sitting by me on the sofa in the middle of a two-year-old tantrum about god knows what. I was looking at her, waiting for her to be done, and right in the middle of her crying, with tears streaming down her cheeks, she looked back at me, reached out her index finger, and went "BEEEEEEP" on my nose.

This isn't exactly how I pictured motherhood

Today the Hatchling and I were driving home from a playdate. Just before getting into the car, the Hatchling had tripped and scraped her knees and hands a little, so she'd been crying. She quickly calmed down, though, and was sitting calmly in her seat when I heard her say "Thank you!" in the tone that means she's handing me something she no longer wants. I figured she was done with her water bottle, so I reached my hand back to grab it, and she placed something in the palm of my hand. I pulled my hand back to find ... a booger. From her nose. In the palm of my hand. "Thank you!" she said politely, and I found myself saying "You're welcome!" right back. As I was trying to dig in my purse for a tissue without running off the road, she handed me another one. "Thank you!"

At least she has manners. I guess.

Random Tidbits of a Hatchling

1. Cute neologisms of late: "oinks" for coins, with which she is obsessed, "why herry" for library, and "pocksicca" for popsicle.

2. Last night, when I tried to come and sit close to the Hatchling and Mr. Squab, who were deeply engaged in conversation, the Hatchling bodily removed me from my chair, pushed me over to the other side of the room, and when I had the temerity to LOOK at them from my isolated position, held up her hand to me and said, "YOU: nonononononono!"

3. You have not really appreciated the full emotional range of "Sing, Sing a Song" until you have heard the Hatchling's rendition. Sure, enunciation is not her strong point, but girlfriend FEELS the song. There are heartfelt gestures. There are random Brooklynesque pronunciations ("siiiiiiing, sing a swooooonnnng ..."). There are highs and lows, with a triumphant finish and plenty of self-applause. The kid knows from dramatical arts.

4. Representative episode: The Hatchling wakes up from a slightly truncated but perfectly acceptable naptime and starts calling MAMAAAA! MAMAAAAA! over the monitor. I go upstairs, open the door, and say, "hi, baby, did you have a good nap?" The Hatchling sits up, says "Well, yes [babblebabblebabblebabble] still tired." I say, "you're still tired?" She says "Yah," and proceeds to lie back down, cover herself with her blanket, and close her eyes. AND STAY THERE FOR FIVE FULL MINUTES. I guess she just wanted some company for the final portion of the event.

Well, THAT was a colossal waste of time

Called the Apple store at 11:00 to see if they had any iPhones. Was told they had "lots" of all the different models, and to "come on down." Called Mr. Squab and told him to meet us there. Got to Mall of America and saw line in front of store. Got in line, was told I was "lucky" because I was the last one to get a phone that day. What if I need two phones? "Oh, nope, sorry, we only have seven and you're number seven." Try to understand how seven constitutes "lots," with no success. Meet Mr. Squab and tell him the deal. Try to go to food court for lunch so Hatchling can get chicken nuggets and fries, normally her all-time favorite meals. Hatchling has complete, total meltdown - the worst she's ever had, by a long shot - in the food court, working herself up to the point where she could not eat or drink. Mr. Squab and I cram our food down (did I mention that I was insanely nauseated this morning?), pack up the Hatchling's food, and carry a screaming, thrashing toddler out of the mall and back into the car. Mr. Squab goes back to work; the Hatchling and I go home, where she sits in her chair watching Sesame Street and eating her lunch like a perfectly normal child, and promptly puke in the garbage can.

Happy fucking Friday to me.

Random Tidbits for the weekend

1. Endearing Habits of the Hatchling of late:
a. Changing her froggy's diaper. She gets out the changing pad and the wipes, plus a clean diaper, lays the frog on the pad and goes through all the motions with a very focused look on her face. She'll be a good big sister.
b. Dancing "ballet." She has always loved to dance, pretty much since she could walk (cue the ABBA song), but now, courtesy Sesame Street, she knows the term "ballet" (or "bah-WAY") and regularly requests that we dance together. "Mama? Dance? Dance bah-WAY?" is pretty much the cutest request I've ever gotten.
c. Her new going-to-bed routine is that when Daddy says it's time for night-night, she runs over to me and gives me a big hug, saying "big hug" (or rather "BEEEEE HOOOOOOGGG") over and over again, while Daddy tickles her and then finally scoops her up to carry her upstairs. Highly satisfactory from all perspectives.

2. I'm enjoying the new season of Project Runway, but so far the cast isn't up to last season's standards in my opinion. Also, if "Suede" doesn't stop referring to himself in the third person, I may hop a flight to NYC and throttle him myself.

3. Fail blog is WIN. (via Christopher)

4. Last night, the Hatchling's little friend M had to be rushed to the ER with a 105 degree temp and a vicious case of the croup. Also last night, a coworker and friend of BFF, who was in his 30s I think, died in his home of complications of Type 1 diabetes. They say bad things come in threes ... what's next?

5. Tomorrow I am venturing out with a two-year-old to try and wrest an iPhone from the jaws of the Apple Store. Wish me luck. On so many levels.

6. Tomorrow evening, after Mr. Squab gets home from work, we're heading north to visit his mom in Duluth, as she is WAY overdue. I expect to eat too much (she is a fabulous cook), sleep not enough (the Hatchling hasn't figured out how to sleep away from home so much), and try to ignore my nausea and anxiety. Riiiiiiiiight. Anyhoo, posting will therefore be light-to-nonexistent. (Unless I get that iPhone, in which case we'll see what we can do.)

Have a lovely weekend!

A celebration of Two-ness

We just got the Hatchling's Two-Year photos back, and just like last year's, they're flippin' adorable. I swear, if I could, I'd hire Katy to just follow me around and document my life in photos, because it would look WAY more interesting and beautiful that way. As it is, we'll just have to settle for a yearly dose of crazy cuteness. Enjoy the slideshow.


Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.