Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Well, hello.

My mom says I have to put up a new post because every time she checks the blog she gets depressed about my anger issues. Fair point. Also ... uh, how is it that I haven't blogged in a month and a half? That was a longer-than-intended break! I guess traveling for Thanksgiving, hosting two Christmases (Christmasses?), traveling for New Year's, cooking a ton, making a veritable shitload of gifts by hand, shopping, finishing up classes and grading, celebrating five family birthdays, hosting out-of-town guests ... yeah, I guess I can see where the time went, after all. Anyhoo: Happy New Year! Does it bug anyone else that 2010 is being treated as the first year of the new decade rather than the last one of the old decade? No? I mean, I guess it doesn't bother me THAT much. We're not talking misusing-borrow-and-lend levels of bother. Just, you know. It's wrong. That's all. And how are you opting to pronounce the new year? Me, I'm going for the "twenty-ten" option. Goes more trippingly off the tongue.

Did anyone make any New Year's resolutions? I blow hot and cold with them. On the one hand, I hate setting myself up for failure. On the other hand, it is kind of nice to take stock once a year and think about where you want to go. This year I decided against concretely measurable goals (Read a book a week! Exercise daily! Try ten new foods!) in favor of more, uh, abstract pursuits. Basically I have one resolution, if you can call it that: to become more Zen. By which I mean, essentially, to chill the fuck out about things generally, and be kinder to myself, and be more present in the moment. Frankly, making a resolution to be more Zen is a bit oxymoronic if not just flat out moronic, but there it is. I've always been interested in Zen Buddhism and Taoism, in particular, but haven't had much time for it lately. But our pediatrician, who is this great guy with a sarcastic sense of humor and not at all the kind of person you'd think would be into eastern philosophy, is an unlikely Zen devotee, and once he found out I was also interested he started throwing vaguely Buddhist catch-phrases at me when I freak out about parenting things in our appointments. "Expect nothing" is one of his favorites. Like, when I'm all "the girls are going to have to share a bedroom and I don't think it's going to go well and they're just going to wake each other up and none of us will ever get a full night's sleep again but we don't have enough bedrooms for them not to share and what should I do?" He's all, "Expect nothing." And I'm all, "Blink." And he's all, "Just do what you need to do, find out what happens, and respond accordingly." Expect nothing is difficult for me, y'all. I EXPECT THINGS. Mostly baaaad things. Mostly in advance. And not just for myself - I can expect bad things for anyone. And WORRY about it. But I'm really trying to catch myself when I get into trouble-borrowing mode and remind myself to "expect nothing" and just do what I need to do. We'll see how it goes, but I feel like it's a resolution I can manage, that might also improve the quality of my life and the lives of those poor souls who have to live with my anxiety-ridden ass.

So ... is this post less depressing than the previous one? I better throw in a cute baby picture just in case. LOOK! A CUTE BABY!

What a ham! (closeup)