So remember back when I was bitching about how the suckiest part of being a SAHM is no sick days? Well, little did I realize that we, too, can have them, just by following these few simple steps:
- Catch your three-year-old's vicious stomach virus, which turns your entire insides into liquid.
- Spend evening from 5 pm to 11:30 pm violently retching every 15 minutes, incidentally scaring the bejeezus out of said three-year-old. (Hard to reassure someone that you're OK when you're puking your guts out. Hatchling: Mama, oh no! What's wrong, Mama? Me: BLAEAHHEHGHRHG. (brightly) Mama's fine, honey! Mama just feels a little sick! BLOURHGEAHRGHG. Hatchling: Mama!! (crying hysterically) Me: It's ok, honey, Mama's ok! Can you hand Mama the wipes?)
- Get up approx. every 45 minutes, all night long, to, um, well, basically vomit from the other end, if you know what I'm saying.
- Pray frequently for death or at least coma.
- Spend next day in bed with intense body aches, a fever, and a fear of solid foods, too tired to even read. (Which, if you know me, is like being too tired to breathe or something.)